Mary Sue: Gee Pissy Jenny, you know what I just noticed?
Pissy Jenny: Was that a rhetorical question?
Mary Sue: No and you’re racist, both of us have boobs.
Pissy Jenny: And apparently mine are racist.
Mary Sue: Well you are white.
Steve: What’s that, who has white, racist boobs? I like boobs.
Mary Sue: Stop sexually harassing her even though she’s racist Steve.
Sexual Harassment, the taint of our society. Everyone is horny, painfully horny, feeling blue. And those balls won’t stay on the wall. Those hands won’t keep to themselves, the cats will call. But fortunately there’s a way to recognize the signs, and prevent, enlighten people on the onslaught to civility and decorum that is, sexual harassment.
Pissy Jenny: The bear is around here somewhere, isn’t, he, she, the it?
Steve: Wow Pissy Jenny, you are racist.
Signs, the world is full of them. Signs warn of danger, traffic, the truth, restaurants and hotels convenient to highway travels, whether or not photography is allowed, and also, where famous people were born and/or lived!
And what’s a big issue to Oprah, a famous person? Sexual harassment, that’s what. What exactly is sexual harassment, or sexual harassment-ish? Take this scenario for instance.
Mary Sue: Hello Steve.
Steve: Hello Mary Sue’s ta-tas that are down there, brrrg!
Mary Sue: Do I have to sleep with you if I want to keep my job?
Steve: Yes, and food you, a toxic pejorative relating to female sexuality.
Mary Sue: Like whore or slut?
Steve: Or a plethora of others, you are smart and have a vagina that intimidates me.
Mary Sue: America!
What was that? Blatant sexual harassment, however, sexual harassment will often be much less blatant and subtle.
Mary Sue: Good a time of day Steve.
Steve: A veiled micro-aggression aimed at your Vagina Mary Sue.
Mary Sue: Steve.
Even more subtle
Mary Sue: St-
Steve: You can get pregnant and you’re not my mother or sister, you are fired.
Mary Sue: S-
Steve: What’s up t***? I’m possibly kidding, no I’m not, yes I am, no I’m, returns to the phallic shadows.
Close enough, there are also situations that aren’t or could possibly be sexual harassment.
Mary Sue: Oh, look it is my friend Steve.
Steve: Indeed, ‘tis I, and you have boobs.
Is this sexual harassment, or a truthful observation? It’s oddly placed and unsolicited, but true.
Mary Sue: Oh look dash.
Steve: Indeed, ‘tis I, and you have t***.
This also true, but the language and word choice is, and now it’s, oh look apparently Steve has skipped ahead.
Mary Sue: Steve is inspecting them.
Steve: Science, do you want to go out with me?
Mary Sue: No.
Mary Sue: Still no.
Steve: Stop playing hard to get.
Pissy Jenny: You two are married, don’t you, start skulking over here and I will shank you with feminism.
Steve: You whore, what does skulk mean?
Pissy Jenny: You have a c*** d***face.
Mary Sue: More science!
And speaking of science, here’s a scientist to help explain to you the signs of sexual harassment.
Scientist: Hello, as a scientist, and not racist, I am here to tell you the signs of sexual harassment. And here to help is Boudica the Feminist Honey Badger. How is my grandma Boudica?
Scientist: Reparations, the first sign of sexual harassment is that it’s nonconsensual, unwanted. Did I want Boudica to dig up the remains of my deceased beloved grandmother to consume them, then just poop them out somewhere probably in my house later? No, in fact I told her not to but I was overpowered and wanted to live. Which is another sign of sexual harassment, a power imbalance.
And also, a pictures of me photoshopped onto this sashimi menu and not so veiled threats that I am next. I am also powerless to report this, and/or would be punished for doing so.
Scientist: Not grandpa!
Scientist: Yes, I want to keep my job, I’ll go find the shovel.
Thank you, a scientist for explaining to us the signs of sexual harassment. What did we learn from the scientist?
- Never Trust a Honey Badger.
- Check the Honey Badger’s References.
- Do a Background Check on the Honey Badger.
- Don’t Tell the Honey Badger Where You Live.
- Don’t Pay the Honey Badger in Espresso and Schmosmaine.
- Honey Badger is a Language We All Should Learn.
What are Steve and Mary Sue’s t*** up to?
Mary Sue: I’m being objectified.
Steve: I also like your butt Mary Sue.
Pissy Jenny: This should bother me but I accidentally overheard something about a coked up Honey Badger.
Those rumors are wrong Pissy Jenny, there isn’t a, oh crap.
Steve: Ow, ow!
Mary Sue: Thank you goddess of feminism!
Pissy Jenny: Mary Sue could have been doing the same thing to you and it would still be sexual harassment Steve.
Steve: I’m reformed now!
Pissy Jenny: Oh no, he’s certainly reformed now, I question nothing anymore.
Pissy Jenny: Thank you that was a non-sexually harassing compliment.
Pissy Jenny: No thank you, I don’t even do the espresso. Hahaha, we’re all, hahaha, laughing.
Steve: Ow, ow, ahhh!
Well that’s it for this edition of “Sexual Harassment” tune in next time when we discuss Objectification. Someone wants the bear back, who is that crying, can someone, who has the shovel?