extroverts, feelings, How to, important questions, introverts, Life Advice, love, questions, self help, socialization, thoughts, Tips, Uncategorized

Sexual Harassment: Consent

Hello, and welcome back to our educational series on the current bane of our society- sexual harassment. In our last installment Steve learned to ask if he could grope someone first on pain of having his now sensitive genitals attacked by a schmoked up Feminist Honey Badger, again.

Pissy Jenny: We also learned that I’m not racist

Slow down Pissy Jenny, we haven’t quite figured that out yet, consent, interrogative words consent? There are two main ways people consent- verbally and nonverbally. Here’s a verbal example.

Mary Sue: Did you notice that I also have beautiful eyes Steve?

Boudica: Snarl…..

Steve: Feminism.

Here’s a nonverbal example.

Boudica: Snarl…

Steve: Oh look how comfortable you are with me, not saying no, trusting me, and knowing me for a while.

Pissy Jenny: Yeah, I know right.

Mary Sue: Mental agreement!

Boudica: Snarl.

Pissy Jenny: Oxymorons save lives.

There are many ways to verbally consent to intercourse or attention that may lead to intercourse, here are some not- drunk examples.

Steve: I like you Mary Sue.

Mary Sue: As do I, we should make out.

Mary Sue: I think that you are handsome and sexy.

Steve: My penis is ready.

Steve: Hey, do you want to have sex?

Mary Sue: My vagina is ready.

Steve: I think that we should have sex.

Mary Sue: My vagina and limbic system would probably like and enjoy that.

Mary Sue: Gee Steve, it’s been awhile since I’ve been to Pound Town, could you assist me with getting there?

Steve: How fast and smooth or roughly do you want to get there? Here’s a form.

 

Here are some drunk examples.

Steve: I think that you’re hot and have a penis Steve’s Cousin.

Mary Sue: This is true.

Steve Cousin: What a lovely vagina you must have.

Mary Sue: That’s right bitch.

Steve: Do you like my t***?

Mary Sue: I want to go brpph in them.

Steve: I want to expletive things to you because we’ve used t**** a lot already.

Mary Sue: That’s right bitch.

Mary Sue: I want to sloppily make out with your face and ride you like a horse.

Steve: Neigh.

 

Here are “I’m so horny I can’t think straight” examples.

Mary Sue: I’m so horny I can’t think straight.

Steve: Maybe my penis can help not make you a lesbian.

Pissy Jenny: Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Steve: Your, expletive is distracting me you ravishing sexy woman.

Mary Sue: The right one or the, oh right, poop!

Mary Sue: I need to get pounded hard all night long with your penis Steve.

Steve: That can be arranged.

Steve: Do you require penis you metaphorically dirty girl?

Mary Sue: Yes, but there is still nothing wrong with being a Lesbian and I am not racist.

Steve: Fun fact, I have an erection.

Mary Sue: Oh my, that must be distracting.

You may be asking yourself, gee, what quality verbal examples, but what about nonverbal examples and shouldn’t they take place in a place?

Mary Sue: Holy crap Pissy Jenny, we are in a place!

Pissy Jenny: You should try that entire shelf of liquor and see what happens Boudica.

Ursula: Grr!

Mary Sue: You’re back from your tropical vacation with the pack of wolves!

Ursula: Grr?

Pissy Jenny: It’s okay, you’re transgender, everyone has to like you.

Boudica; Snarl!

Mary Sue: This is just like Vanderpump Rules Yay!

Gee, I wonder what those pack of wolves from our mandatory or else educational series “How to be a Woman” series are doing?

Wolf 1: Growl.

Wolf 2: Growl!

Wolf 3: Growl.

Who doesn’t love looking at pictures of yourself in them on a vacation you, yourself, went on? Not wolves apparently, uh oh it looks like someone had a few too many drinks by their suddenly private pool. Lets check back in at the place.

Boudica: Snarl!

Usrula: Grr!

Mary Sue: S*** is going down!

Steve: I know, it’s hard to flirt with you over the sound of a Transgendered Cross Dressing Bear and Schmoked up Feminist Honey Badger fighting to the death.

Mary Sue: You were flirting with me? A Transgendered Cross Dressing Bear and a Schmoked up Feminist Honey Badger are fighting each other to the death.

Pissy Jenny: I am rooting for one of you! Oh, hello Steve’s Cousin.

Steve’s Cousin: I still exist too.

The Scientist: The honey badger, you can’t-

Pissy Jenny: Oh my God you look like s*** but I still want a martini.

The Scientist: I wear a lot of hats.

Pissy Jenny: The place is a bar.

Steve’s Cousin: Weren’t you-

Pissy Jenny: Yes, Ursula chugged an entire bottle of Rumplemintz and attacked me here once, all the martinis!

As you can see with Pissy Jenny being racist and ordering all of the martinis, nonverbal consent is complicated and not always noticed. Also, Mary Sue and Steve said words. But what did they say, non-verbally?

Steve was flirting with his wife, but she failed to notice because the omnipotent narrator is purposely failing to intervene because omnipotent narrator wants to live, and also, life, hustle bustle, her thoughts- Mary Sue just isn’t in the moment.

Mary Sue: I wish I could be more in this moment, not that moment.

Steve: Yes, a bar stool just narrowly missed your head saving your life.

Mary Sue: LOL.

Steve: Scooching closer to you.

Mary Sue: I am doing the-

Boudica: Snarl!

Mary Sue: Ursula should demand a truce.

Steve: That seems like a good idea, leaning in.

Mary Sue: My face is reddening.

Steve: Mine too.

Mary Sue: I could just be very alarmed with the precarious situation we are in right now.

Or are you flirting, non-verbally back Mary Sue? Not every physical, non-verbal hint that seems consenting is actually, hold on, I’ll just-

Ursula: Grr?

Boudica: Snarl?

Present Boudica with a salmon and pretend to be friends. That’s better, now back to education.

Steve: You have a face that I am touching.

Mary Sue: Hrmphrmmph.

That’s right Mary Sue, you most likely would be responsive to more physical affection.

Mary Sue: Rmphm.

Pissy Jenny: I want to make out with your face Steve’s Cousin.

Steve’s Cousin: Gee, thanks all the martinis!

The Scientist: I couldn’t cut her off or be alarmed with the great speed and alacrity that she drank them because science.

And also, this. Just because someone consents or gives in to you, does that mean you should have sex with them? Find out next time in “People You Shouldn’t Have Sex With”.

Mary Sue: Prhmppphrpmh.

Pissy Jenny: Me am not racist still me thinks you b****.

Advertisements
Standard
deep thoughts, extroverts, feelings, How to, important questions, Life Advice, love, thoughts, Tips, Uncategorized, understanding, valentines day

How not to Seduce an Introvert

Seduction, winning someone’s affections is an art, skill. It takes time, patience. No one falls in love with you overnight- someone can sleep with you overnight, but that probably won’t last. It most assuredly will not last if you do any of these things.

Be Heavy Handed

No one likes pressure, even pressure cookers don’t- you have to strap the lid down. People are not pressure cookers, don’t strap them down- literally or figuratively. Do not declare your undying love to them, and that they should really love your or else they don’t deserve love. If they don’t know you at all, or that well. Especially in public, that is just evil and manipulative.

They really can say no to you, and don’t have to feel the same way about you, because you’re creepy. Would Gaston have made a bad husband? Maybe not, but he was being very, he hired a band thinking Belle would say yes to him. Do not marry someone like that, also, bride kidnapping is bad.

Be Very, Very, Extremely, Very, Forward

Once again, pressure is not the way to someone’s heart. It’s actually the world’s biggest turn off. And disrespectful, inconsiderate, and a sign. If you have to pressure and force someone to love you, they don’t love you. And if you love them, let them go.

Or do the stuff mentioned in “How to Seduce an Introvert”, or anyone, really. Also, being extremely sexual and graphic about all the dreams, sexual or not that you have and will do to them is not recommended.

Do they want to do those things to you? Let them think, talk, live their own life, that they choose. Not the life you think they should be living, with you, forever and ever, dirty sex stuff, forever and ever, take notes Scorpios, forever and- unless it’s purely just sex, which never actually happens or ever works out, humans.

Crowd Them

Everyone needs personal space, and time, room and freedom to be themselves. It actually helps relationships, and makes them healthy. Being attached at the hip 24/7 doesn’t mean that you’re a happy couple. Live for yourself, not someone else.

Fall in Love with Them Immediately

That isn’t love, it feels like love, but it’s not. It’s obsession, possessiveness and probably excessive lust. That is not healthy, love on the other hand, can be, is normal. Love is accepting someone for who they are, learning and growing in life along with them, working issues out- not threatening them so they stay with you.

“Love” is far too often said, when you don’t really know someone, or know someone well enough to accept them no matter what, ride to die. Never say you love someone, unless you know it’s love and you really, seriously mean it.

Expect Them to Do the Same

Scientific fact, people not in love are saner than people who are. If they notice a dead body in boo boo poopskie-kins fuffer nutters basement, and inform the in love person, they won’t go along with, oh, it must have just gotten drunk and wandered in.

Introverts, people in general, are thinkers. They have deal breakers, won’t instantly commit to a lifetime with someone. Those outside the love, who might not support your relationship are extra super-duper thinkers, have unbiased points. There are reasons they have doubts that people in love are blind to, because they care.

When someone doesn’t fall in love with you, or love you, and tells you, they care too. They don’t want to start anything they’re not emotionally invested in or lead anyone on. “No” is not an insult, it’s, the truth, move on.

Make Demands

Once again, sanity, personal differences, pressure is bad. Demands don’t endear you to someone. Demands are not indicative of love, they indicate the opposite of love. Controlling someone also doesn’t endear you to them.

Such tactics drive people away, make them reinforce their individuality, cause issues. If you love someone you listen to them, their side, accept their thoughts and ideas. You can disagree, but there is compromising working things out.

When presented with my way or the highway, the car keys will be missing in short order.

“Fix” Them

“Fixing” someone isn’t “helping”, plus it’s impossible. No one ever changes to suit your needs 100%- you cannot control people. And the more you try to “fix” someone the more they rebel, or will eventually rebel, dramatically, drastically.

You can’t force change to happen, in a person, it has to happen on its own, with their consent. Just a side note though, if you want to change someone, see something wrong with them, that is not love.

Relationships are complicated, but they don’t have to be hard, forced. That’s not love. It’s best for everyone to move on, find better, more compatible love elsewhere.

 

Standard
confidence, deep thoughts, feelings, How to, important questions, life, Life Advice, thoughts, Tips, Uncategorized

Resolutions

According to science, a percentage of people keep New Years Resolutions, and a percentage don’t. This percentage adds up to 100%, which is a lot. Do you want to be in the percentage that keeps their resolutions? Does a bear in a KGB hat secretly run Russia from the woods? Seriously, does a bear, we all want to know.

Make Sure it Matters To You

You could smoke less crack, but do you really want to smoke less crack? Do you enjoy smoking the amount of crack that you do now? Then you probably won’t smoke less crack. If your resolution really matters to you, you will keep it. If it doesn’t, Cracktown here your come.

Everyone needs to have a now or never, or else realization if they want to reach their goals.

Be Accountable

Being accountable is everything, you need someone you can’t lie to, someone who gives it to you straight and likes it straight. Your metaphorical Vladimir Putin, that will not out up with any of your crap, and thinks that whatever your crack is, is whack. And knows whether or not a bear in a KGB hat secretly runs Russia from the woods.

Consequences

Do you want to stop smoking crack, do you have your metaphorical Vladimir Putin? Good, get ready for consequences. All actions have them, including inactions, inactions are technically actions metaphorically. You want to smoke less crack tomorrow? Your metaphorical Vladimir Putin will make sure you get on that smoking less crack right away and have tapes of you doing things in a hotel room.

Will Power

If you don’t want those tapes of you doing things in a hotel room to get out, you need willpower. It’s the opposite of fear. Anyone can have it, even if your name isn’t will, you can also be fired at if you’re not will. Look yourself in the mirror and say “No, I will not smoke less crack metaphorically, I will stop.” And not replace it with metaphorical some other vice.

No one wants those tapes getting out.

Be Motivated

Everyone needs support, not just willpower. Willpower can be a driving force, but that force can drive faster if you’re being chased by a pack of wolves, metaphorically, and a metaphorical cyborg metaphorical Putin.

Everyone needs a kick in the pants to metaphorically hand over the crack, and admit they could do better, be better, achieve, do, not just imagine or think. There’s a time to metaphorically literally, in a metaphorical sense, to be active, not passive.

Sadly, this isn’t your first response. What’s your first response, meta, literally, a lee? Inertia. Inertia is the enemy. Find someone or something to knock you out of it.

Resolutions can be hard to keep, some people don’t even make them- which can be a percentage of 100%, which is a number, that should be lower. But remember, whatever your goal is, there’s a metaphorical cyborg Vladimir Putin and a pack of wolves for everyone. Oh look a, it’s…it spotted me.

Standard
deep thoughts, important questions, life, Life Advice, thoughts, Uncategorized

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is the story of Rudolph, the next step in Reindeer evolution who is mocked for his otherness by the conformist, supplicant society that he was born into. The head of which is the All-Powerful Santa, who lives in a castle, and reigns over his subjects who live in caves, or less castle like abodes.

Summary

Rudolph is born to Donner and Mrs. Donner, two of the Santa’s subjects who serve him and do his will. Rudolph is exceptionally intelligent at birth, and he is praised- until his glowing red mutated nose is discovered.

Mrs. Donner doesn’t mind, wants to overlook it and accept her child for who he is. But her husband disagrees, and when Santa sees it he explicitly says his nose will bar him from future employment. It is covered up against his will so that he blends in, is normal- doesn’t embarrass him. Rudolph will “…get used to it.”

Rudolph learns the ins and outs of being a reindeer from his dad, who finally approves of him- and to beware The Abominable, the monster who hates everything that he, the head of the house stands for. And every other good citizen in Christmas Town.

Meanwhile, the elves, lorded over by Head Elf, are making toys, it’s the only thing they’re good for. And Hermey, who has other aspirations and doesn’t hold the same values, is called “boy”, and mocked for wanting to be a dentist- not the simple manufacturing duties that elves are only good for. By his own people, who have fallen for a self-fulfilling prophecy of being simple and subservient.

Hermey’s attitude is contagious. When Rudolph complains that his fake nose is uncomfortable, that he cannot breathe, Donner makes an excellent point. “There are more important things than comfort, self-respect.” Which he ruins by basing this noble truth on Rudolph being unobjectionable now.

When Rudolph is inspected and tested by Santa, he is accepted. He’s normal, in fact so normal a  fawn named Clarice is interested in him, his dad calls him “my little bud”, Aryan blonde Fireball welcomes him, wants to be his buddy, show off in front of the does with him, man stuff.

During this ritual of humiliation disguised and glorified as a cherished custom, Hermey is skipping Elf Practice, refusing to entertain the “Number One Citizens”, and refusing to glorify a job that he hates. Santa thinks their song needs work but Mrs. Claus, the mother figure disagrees, saves the day, chastises the patriarchy. But when she runs after “Papa”, it’s terrible again.

And what was Hermey doing while not being the tenor? He was fixing a doll’s teeth- helping, attempting to do his job, appease his boss and Santa. He thought he found a way to fit in but is promptly told that he never will. So he refuses to go to practice just can’t learn to go “hee, hee ho, ho,” “chuckle warmly”, which is “…important stuff”.

It is then that Hermey finally realizes he is alone and skips town. Preferring to face the uncertain and harsh North Pole wilderness than stay is a certain and harsh Christmas Town any longer.

While Hermey walks off into the snow to die Fireball is teaching Rudolph how to sexualize Does, which leads to Rudolph showing off for Clarice, and getting excited, becoming a buck- in fact, he gets so excited his fake normal nose falls off. If that’s not an entry into puberty, the awkwardness of early manhood, what is?

Fireball demands that Rudolph get away from him, and everyone every one mocks him. Santa says Donner should be ashamed of himself, but he had a nice takeoff, the best take off. Clarice remains his ally though and encourages him. But when Clarice’s dad sees his nose he demands that Clarice goes home immediately, and makes one thing very plain.

“No doe of mine is going to be seen with a red-nosed reindeer.” Rudolph then has his ah, hah moment, and realizes that there is nothing wrong with him. He and Hermey meet and run off together.

Along the way, they run into Yukon Cornelius, “The Greatest Prospector, in the North”, and all the land and gold is his. He also could get real sled dogs and treat them better, whip them less, than the clearly non-sled dog he has.

Which makes him a strange, fickle and slightly drunk ally, for Rudolph and Hermey, but a ride is a ride. Of course, they run into the Abominable- but Cornelius knows his weakness- he can’t walk on water, which is how they escape.

What have the Donners been doing? Donner has been realizing that he could have been better parents. And Donner does “Man’s work”, goes out to look for Rudolph, while Mrs. Donner and Clarice, rejecting their passive roles, follow.

But Rudolph is very far away now. He and his companions have landed on the island of Misfit Toys, who are all refugees. Where they are Misfits themselves, outsiders, for not being toys. Which is hypocritically ruled over by a non-toy, King Moon Raiser- the flying lion savior of Misfit Toys.

Who is based on the ancient mythological Sphinx, which began as a protector spirit, but became the wise, all-knowing, trickster, of Greek mythology in later years. Making him the perfect, misunderstood misfit.

Yukon Cornelius even says “…Even among misfits you’re a misfit.” But they are accepted as allies in their struggle, given a purpose. They are tasked with telling Santa that his imperfect toys need homes, “Because a toy is never really happy until it’s been loved by a child.”

They plan to leave together, but Rudolph sneaks away in the night, to accomplish the task by himself. This is when Rudolph grows up, and returns home a man. To find his family gone- and Donner was supposed to get Santa’s sleigh off the ground!

Rudolph returns to the wilderness to find them and is near death when his friends find him again. They rescue the women- Donner doesn’t need rescuing and subdue the Abominable. By removing his teeth, literally and metaphorically. Sadly though, Yukon Cornelius sacrifices himself. But they don’t have time to mourn because the women need to get back to Christmas Town.

Now that their skills are useful, they literally and figuratively survive the storm, they are finally accepted in Christmas Town. Who else comes back? Yukon Cornelius, with the reformed Abominable, who is now called Bumble- who puts the star on the Christmas tree.

But even the most reformed Bumble can’t stop the storm. Santa finally notices Rudolph’s “ That beautiful, wonderful nose”, and asks Rudolph to lead the team, save Christmas. While Donner swears he knew that nose would be useful someday, now that Rudolph has been, accepted, approved- good for something.

Donner looks up and says “That’s my Bud!”, from the ground, a sign of how he’s been humbled and isn’t needed anymore. Rudolph is a buck now.

But their Sept. 12th doesn’t end there, the refugee Misfit Toys are rescued and resettled, Yukon Cornelius finds a peppermint mine, and love wins!

Analysis

Rudolph is Jesus

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is rife with symbolism and mythology, Rudolph is the revolutionary figurehead, bringer of a new, better Christmas Town order- and also clearly Jesus. He literally ascends to the heavens for the children and is emotionally crucified.

Born in humble conditions, he journeys into the wilderness by himself, much like Jesus did for 40 days. Rudolph contends with the Abominable, while Jesus contended with Satan. He is also willing to sacrifice himself for his friends. And where does he run into Hermey? By the water, after which Hermey starts following him.

His relationship with his mother is also better, stronger. The relationship that he has with his father is much more curt, akin to a working relationship. Who showed up at the cross, who let her son live at home until he was 30? Who got more, and positive attention?

Mary did, Mary also readily accepted Jesus while Joseph doubted Mary and the entire situation, but eventually came around- much like a certain reindeer.

His Disciples

Hermey and Yukon Cornelius serve as his disciples, they save and assist him on several occasions, Rudolph sacrifices himself for them Hermey is Peter, he is the head non-conformist right after Rudolph. Peter headed the church, and Hermey got his dental office.

And where does Jesus meet Peter? He meets Peter by water. Hermey also has some Luke like aspects, Luke was a doctor, Hermey is a dentist, both are healers. Hermey is also portrayed ever so slightly effeminately, like John.

Yukon Cornelius is Matthew. Why, he overcame is greed and ambition, decided to follow Jesus immediately. After quitting his job as a tax collector- working with gold, money. Matthew is also known visually by his beard in Christian iconography.

In addition, Cornelius is a direct reference to the first gentile convert to Christianity, a Roman general named Cornelius.

The Christian symbolism doesn’t end there though, the symbol of Mark is a winged lion- royalty, and power. All of which can be used to describe King Moonraiser.

Names

Names are never random in a story, especially this one. Clarice means bright, shining, gentle clear. While Donner means loud or irascible. What does Rudolph mean? It means “fame-wolf”, which seems like random nonsense, but what is Rudolph? The metaphorical wolf without a pack, searching for a pack, who stands out.

Themes

Racism

Color is a prominent theme. White, lightness is good, looked up to. Santa is white, lives in a castle with purple walls. Purple is the color of royalty and not the color of the dark brown reindeer. Being lighter is good, Clarice is lighter and lusted after, Rudolph’s mom is lighter. Fireball is noticeably blonde and popular. Being lighter is beautiful, an advantage.

While being darker and different looking, like Rudolph is bad. So bad no one wants to be associated with him, Clarice can’t see him. He’s just too different.

Conformity and Otherness

Rudolph is also rife with the dangers of conformity and the suffering of otherness. Useful otherness is shunned in the name of conformity, they don’t need a dentist at the North Pole, it never gets dark? Otherness is not seen as the gift it can be, but a curse. If you don’t blend in, go with the program, fill your gender or racial role you are out.

Unless those skills are useful, of course. Which they forcibly become for Rudolph & Hermey.

Feminine vs. Masculine

There is also a strong juxtaposition between masculine and feminine. The masculine, power, in charge elements of the story, demean Rudolph, and every misfit ever. But the feminine elements and characters are the exact opposite. Love is more important than acceptance, conformity. They also openly defy their roles, fight back- in a more subtle way.

Although this seems unnoticed, who has to get back to the North Pole? The Women, because without them there would be no more does, babies, sopranos at Elf Practice. It’s their job, place, to be supportive and motherly. Which has been, and always will be a double-edged sword.

Greed, Consumerism

Greed and consumerism is openly expressed in Rudolph as being bad- even by the white narrator snowman, and silly. Yukon Cornelius is bumbling around, changing his mind about what he’s after- while not noticing his dogs are clearly not sled dogs. Symbolizing the flimsy, unreliable foundations of capitalism.

The Island of Misfit Toys is another example, they are discarded, unwanted, and flawed. The children deserve better. They aren’t rejects, mistakes like those toys. Santa has to be reminded of their existence, and he created them in the first place. Doesn’t it seem like everyone who creates problems today has to be reminded to be responsible, resolve them anymore, to not forget their literal and metaphorical refugees.

Love, Acceptance

Love is a powerful force, it makes you do crazy things. Just to be accepted, loved, liked- it helps you rationalize with hiding who you really are, lying, thinking you’re helping by making someone do that.

When love really is accepting someone, loving them for who they really are, like Mrs. Donner, not Donner. When Rudolph and his disciples are denied this, they are at their lowest point. But when they do eventually get it, whatever the cost- they are happy.

Even the toys realize that they need to be loved, that they are nothing without it.

The Cost of Acceptance

Not to say that all men are evil and racist, cold enforcers of the unjust and uncaring “natural order”, just in this movie. But do they have a point? Is conformity bad, or good, does having the power make you right, not having it wrong?

And what of the Abominable? Who will challenge the authority of the ruling powers now, is the Abominable happy, “cured”? Seeing him bumble around is funny, but does he miss his own personal agency and resent bumbling around, want his teeth back? Everyone needs teeth. And everyone, whether they like it or not, needs a dream and perceptions crushing, question raising, Abominable.

Life, especially in Christmas Town, is a tricky thing. A tricky thing which everyone navigates through using the metaphorical eyes of Rudolph. Fight the power.

Standard
deep thoughts, extroverts, feelings, humans, important questions, introverts, Life Advice, psychology, thoughts, Uncategorized

Extremes

Everyone has feelings, this is an unavoidable fact. But there is hope, you can have just enough feelings, and/or know when to control them, let logic win, and let feelings lose. Emotionality and passion, especially when it’s excessive is overrated- which is a fact very few people understand or remember anymore.

Having too many uncontrollable feelings is in, more than ever before! You need to find something to be angry about, a cause a purpose. It’s a drive you just cannot control, like never ever, what is reality? And rationality, another R-word, isn’t that offensive?

At this point the bullying, peer pressure kicks in. Being an –ist and saying mean things on Twitter starts “productive” arguments that totally should happen because justice. And the millions of other people who fall into this trap.

Being the sane one, who remembers that they’re individuals, who have hearts and brains- the things that make you think before you rush to judgment because you’re just an authority on like everything, is rare. You can usually be found hiding, avoiding conflict, or only letting your cat judge you.

Because good look trying to convince an extreme person, with an addictive personality and righteousness complex that they’re wrong. Or remind them that everyone doesn’t like them, or agree with them, or that there’s more to the world than them.

And that their belief don’t make them better than everyone else, and they could be wrong. God, the truth, Jesus, or who, whatever being on your side doesn’t mean you have to win, get your way all the time. That’s childish and unrealistic.

Which is why they have to form little cliques and groups to have friends, label themselves oppressed outsiders when they really aren’t. Upper and middle-class college students who constantly, and unnecessarily apologize for slavery are not oppressed. But they might actually be poor themselves, because college.

These groups then go on to be even more fervent, and evangelize- whether or not they’re religious, and draw people in. To help their cause, change the world- and granted, the world can be a pretty messed up place, but the changes you’d like to see aren’t always right for everyone, who also live on earth, and have rights. And don’t want you in their business all the time.

Also, if you’re the one making everyone else look worse, attacking people, who is the real monster? It is impossible to ever convince someone 100% that they’re wrong, but when it comes to angry, self-righteous people who are just loud, and shout to prove their points- this percentage is much closer to the square root of negative one.

When it comes to most other people though, who feel no need to shout and proclaim that they’re oppressed to communicate their thoughts and opinions- they do not really care that much. Some are just trying to survive, get by, not start things.

They’d rather get along, and not always understand, but try not to judge. In truth, most of the population does not care who you sleep with, what you eat- unless it’s babies and kittens, or how, where you worship. It’s not their business, does not affect them.

As long as you’re not openly an –ist, especially to them.

But if it does, then communicate better, more reasonably, justly- babies and kittens are innocent, they need to be protected. Because when it comes down to it, they have bothered to learn the difference between righteousness and self-righteousness.

Martin Luther King was righteous, the people who looted and tried to burn down cities after he was martyred were not. Why? What did the mattresses at Sears do? Justice was served, calm down.

It seems hard to tell the difference between righteousness and self-righteousness, but there are ways. Here are three different scenarios.

Scenario 1

Marsha and Brenda, two transgendered lesbians who identify as sheep, are approached by the pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church regarding their life choices and proclivities. The good Christian pastor berates them and tells them that they’re going to hell unless they find Jesus.

Meanwhile, Marsha and Brenda just enjoy the show and eat their gelato. Who was being self-righteous?

The pastor, what did Marsha and Brenda do to incite him, who started it? And who just ignored the situation and didn’t give it any attention which is a sound strategy for most situations. You give something more power by feeding it.

Scenario 2

Jimmy Carter is at a Bar Mitzvah, during the joyous dancing he exclaims that Israel is oppressing Palestine. This starts an argument with the Rabbi, who is being self-righteous?

Jimmy Carter is most at fault. Israel could be doing better with Palestine, but does anyone at that Bar Mitzvah have anything to do with that? The Rabbi could be self-righteous as well, but is defending yourself when confronted ever really self-righteous?

No, it’s a natural response. There is an art to do it effectively and eloquently though.

Scenario 3

Marsha, Brenda, the pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church, Jimmy Carter, and the Rabbi walk into a bar. The Rabbi and the Pastor join the astronaut who have been waiting for them. Leaving Jimmy Carter with the transgendered lesbians who identify as sheep.

Jimmy Carter is uncomfortable and tries to make conversation. When Jimmy gets up to the bathroom Marsha and Brenda start talking smack about him. Jimmy overhears this on the way back to the table, and confronts them, by talking smack about them back with the astronaut.

The Rabbi and the Pastor advise them to calm down, stop acting like children. It is unbecoming of them. They retort by boycotting the bar and talking in a nasty manner about the pastor and rabbi on Facebook. They were mansplaining and oppressing them. Who is being self-righteous?

Everyone else except the Pastor and the Rabbi, they were trying to actually help, offer advice. You can’t let Jimmy Carter, an Astronaut, and two transgendered lesbians who identify as sheep argue in public, who knows what will happen.

Everyone else was caught up in “me, me, me”, while the Pastor and Rabbi saw the big picture. Which is never racist or sexist.

Now that you recognize the signs and symptoms of extreme, self-righteous people with toxic addictive personalities- you are officially not crazy. And have a point, matter, and can stand up for yourself by staying far, far away. So congratulations on knowing and realizing that high fives from Jesus don’t cure you of homosexuality, and being an individual with multiple bodily organs that you know how to use!

Standard
extroverts, feelings, humans, introverts, life, Life Advice, psychology, self help, thoughts, Tips, Uncategorized, understanding

The Introverted Child

If you have an introverted child and are reading this, it is not broken. No need to send it back to the manufacturer. Your child also probably isn’t autistic, and stop diagnosing it with things, you are not qualified. You know what you are qualified to do? Love it like any other child, and to stop judging it and worrying so much.

The right attitude to have is love, acceptance, your child actually is special, not like other kids- for once. Stop telling its’ teachers it has autism. Trust me, it will run with that. It is not stupid, it knows what “autistic” kids get away with.

Things which include, but are not limited to:

-Rightfully Claiming Toys that are Their Toys

-Punching &/or Kicking the School Bully in the Crotch

-Exclaiming They are Surrounded by Idiots

-The Sarcasm of a Crochety Old Demon

-Dark &/or Dirty Jokes

-Being “Oppressed”

-“Right Triangles!” During Laps Around the Baseball Diamond

-Laying Flat on the Ground During Dodgeball (Winning)

-Telling the Truth

-Calling Hos Hos

-Dismantling and Tearing Apart Modern Feminism

-Calling Lena Dunhma Lena Dunham

-Having No Female Friends

-Offering to Give their Parents Mercy Air Enemas in the Nursing Home

-Knowing How to Give an Air Enema

Physicians, and behavioral therapists, who went to school, and can professionally diagnose autism, know that these are not symptoms of autism. Especially realizing that Lena Dunham is just Lena Dunham, and could really use an air enema.

They are symptoms of an unhealthy, subversive attitude incurred by the “Oh, you poor thing treatment”. It’s a form of rebelling, the world’s longest-running gag, in essence, a “F*** You”, or a test, if that makes you feel less fooled.

But you can avoid this, really you can. Put that “How to be More Outgoing” book back on the shelf right now.

What to Do

Stop Comparing

As mentioned earlier, every child is different. They have different personalities, ways of processing. They don’t all reach the same milestones at the same time, or when they should, or you think they should.

When you stop demanding that your introverted child be something that it’s not, they are allowed to be themselves. Hopefully, you can live with that and maybe like them. Either way, a lot less resentment is built up.

Lower Your Expectations

Just because Timmy is so popular and had the entire class at his birthday party doesn’t mean your kid will. In fact, most of that class doesn’t give a F’ about Timmy. They’re there for cake, and ice cream, and maybe the bounce house.

And to smell Timmy’s cards for the money smell, every time they’re right they are given a small payment for their services- which can add up to several bounce houses over 18 birthdays. Also, gift cards are the taint of the devil, how are you supposed to, so you ask for an item, but then you- economics is hard.

Your child is Timmy-Timmy is too stupid to smell his own money, appreciate this. Take it in, be happy with the child you have. Your child has also probably googled “Roth IRA” at least once, and if you’re Jewish…be ironically proud.

Space

No one likes being crowded or babied. Usually, it’s better to let people be, do their own thing. Let sleeping dogs lie, especially if they know why werewolves are misunderstood. Introverts have a stronger independent streak, they don’t need to be surrounded by people all the time.

Let them go if you love them. They will come back to you, trust them. They’ve got this, they’ll probably figure it out- better and faster than the other kids. And they will not show this off or share as much, but that’s not a bad thing. Nikola Tesla learned to be wary of Thomas Edison for a reason.

Acknowledgement

This doesn’t mean that you should leave them with that pack of wolves forever though. You can only learn so much from wolves. Den mother is wise and knowledgeable. But she doesn’t have a whole lot of salad recipes.

Check in on them every once in a while, ask how it’s going. Say you’re there, will attempt a meaningful, engaging conversation- the only conversation worth having. Remind them they matter too.

Let Them Talk

Another great way to do this is to let them talk. They typically need more encouragement to do this or leeway, or for Timmy to shut up and remind him that the cut they demand is fair to all and 2% less than Janet’s. They are also more reliable and have produced concrete results. Abraham Lincoln did say not to change into a horse mid ice-cream- horses don’t have thumbs, brochure?

Invite them to voice their opinion, say something. Give them a chance to speak. No one can keep their emotions and opinions bottled up forever. It’s impossible to distill them and sell them for bounce houses. Most of which they will rent out-but keep one for themselves. Bounce houses are great to ponder franchising in.

What Not to Do

Treat Them Differently

Handicapped people can find their parking spots and legally required ramps on their own. Very few people are completely helpless- but when it comes to “Oh that poor little child”, this is quickly and easily forgotten.

Unwarranted special treatment quickly corrupts and spoils anyone. It should never, and typically doesn’t last forever. No woman wants to marry a Momma’s boy, no man wants to marry a Daddy’s girl. Reminding people that they are perfectly capable of doing things themselves is the best policy. Also, that attention seriously backfires-, particularly among children.

“Encouraging” Them

Even the smallest baby, nay embryo, can wonder what Zumba is, and eventually decided if they should try it. Let this happen. Let people make their own choices- let them mess up, reach conclusions on their own.

Don’t guilt them or make them do things they don’t want to do- it is their choice, they have free will. Tell your introverted child about an activity, or new tiny drunk adult they might like. Let them decide to venture out.

No one is too young to exercise their free will, to be convinced, have points. Gentle and respectful encouragement is better than “If you don’t do this you are a failure and will die.”

Watching Them

Not just watching them keeping an eye on them, WATCHING them. Someone from the NSA seeing a Muslim WATCHING them. This is offensive and scary- even if it could be warranted. Get your evidence first. A qualified, outside third party, fourth party, fifth party threeveth party opinion that isn’t yours.

You don’t know everything, no one ever knows 100% of all available information on everything like ever- especially when it comes to parenting. Calm down, you’re not a failure, literally, hopefully, or metaphorically, or, well you, I still have one of the brochures. It’s adorable.

Ignore Them

An independent streak can be a good thing- but don’t take this as a sign to disconnect, ignore that person forever. Especially a child. No child is ever 100% innocent or helpless, but at least 1% of the time they are, math rhymes with both kinds of –paths for a reason.

Children aren’t supposed to raise themselves, some have- but it didn’t turn out that well. Remind your introverted child that you notice them, don’t let them be overpowered, don’t sell them for a can of beer.

Tell Them What’s Wrong with Them

Yes, you did the nasty, went to pound town, someone fell down and then it got up, the beast with two backs- or adopted, IVF, surrogacy, you’re a parent. Do you really know everything about your child though? Hint, you don’t.

My mom didn’t know that the Chili Parlor/Whorehouse was called the Squirts, in the dark, sleeping in her bed and that I could slip back into the shadows unnoticed so easily. Miscommunications and misunderstandings happen- wrong conclusions made, listening not done, confusion ensues.

Deal with that instead of diagnosing your child as being wrong. Your child knows themselves very well-yes, they can be in denial. But so can you. Everyone can be wrong and something can be wrong with everyone.

Just don’t decree it, loudly, bombastically, with great authority, all the time. It’s probably why some people have to adopt, why Jesus duct taped those legs together.

Your introverted child isn’t some strange, bizarre creature- but they can be, or are, which. By not judging them, and loving, accepting them for who they are, they become a lot less strange and bizarre.

They can even become perfectly ordinary children, who came out of the right person. God doesn’t make…the stork doesn’t, children aren’t….lizard people, so stop treating your introverted child like one. Seriously, they hate mouse sashimi, again, for dinner.

Standard
deep thoughts, feelings, MBTI, Myers Briggs, poem, poetry, thoughts, Uncategorized

The INTJ Female Intergalactic Anthem

All rise for the INTJ Female Intergalactic Anthem…

 

I’m not girly-

And I hate pink.

Had a feeling once,

I think.

Know what they say,

Don’t really care-

Because when I look down there…

Wouldn’t it be awfully nice if I had a penis?

 

I’ve got so much yang

I could get the hang

Of having a wang,

Which is a synonym for penis.

 

Wouldn’t be whining

Because I’m losing

My uterine lining,

Be a ditz

Because I have tits.

Wouldn’t act like Madame Bovary

Because I had no ovaries

Is it so wrong

To want a dong,

If it is I’ll write a song-

And kindly ask for a penis.

 

If I had testes

I would be at ease,

Could do whatever I please.

Could throw a perfect spiral

Without it being wild,

Boss people around

Without being a female hound,

If I had a penis.

 

Oh, and the balls!

I’d put them to the wall,

And I’d have the biggest balls of all-

It’s my greatest wish

To have a brisk-

For which I’d need a penis.

 

And wouldn’t it be funny,

I’d make more money.

Wouldn’t need an epidural

Because gurrl…

Sperm goes jizz and skeet-

Doesn’t give birth,

Isn’t that neat?

And if I couldn’t have a baby

Then maybe

I’d tell my friends

About my doctor in Regina

Who heard

I was tired of having a vagina,

That is if I had a penis.

 

(Obligatory Rap Section)

Wouldn’t be work

To have girth

Would be a vacation

Give myself a standing ovation

No matter what people say

Or do

Because it’s true

I’m more manly

Than any of you.

Getting shit done,

Taking care of business

It’s the truth, isn’t?

Not anyone’s hon,

Enen though I’m a lady

Who just maybe

Thinks that gender stereotypes

Bite

And because I’m a girl

Who acts like a man

In a man’s world

It would be easy,

Although it would make Republican queasy

If I just had sperm

Because in layman’s terms

Some might call me a tranny

But who doesn’t have to worry about

The size of his fanny?

(End Obligatory Rap Section)

 

Gender stereotypes are real,

Hits me right in the feels,

It hurts a lot-

Especially in my crotch

That could really use a penis.

 

So if you have a spare dick,

Or two or three,

Could I have my pick please?

Because a penis would look good on me!!!!!

 

*The writer of this song would like to acknowledge that this is a joke, parody. Gender stereotypes are very real. It is sad and unfair…f*** it you’re probably offended anyway.

Standard