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How to Argue, Part 3

Once upon a time, people didn’t know how to make fire. Until one day someone figured it out, people just shut up and listened, and everyone knew how to be warm, cook stuff, and purify water. Note that no one claimed that they had the idea first or fire was a gift from the gods so they should be thanked, and if you don’t, you’ll die and don’t deserve it, because, logic. And if no one agreed with them, racism.

But if someone did, that person was then offered to a Sabertooth tiger as a snack, hopefully.

Traps

This wasn’t the first trick or trap, in fact there are far too many, and we all know someone, or several people, who should be mauled by a Sabertooth tiger. There’s logical fallacies, false correlations, manipulation, outright bullying, peer pressure, so many things that trip you up and trick you into doubting yourself.

Logical Fallacies

Bad things do not happen because God hates you, God is far too busy to deal with your crap. Also, no country is objectively the greatest country on Earth, that’s extremely personal and relative. Although some far outrank others. And if you believe in spontaneous generation, don’t, the bug eggs are laid in the rotting meat by mommy and daddy bugs and that’s where babies come from.

Your brain is very lazy, it will take neurological shortcuts to simplify things, and see and insinuate patterns, or what it’s energetic enough to see. Which is why stereotypes, racism, and religion are things, also conspiracy theories.

Your brain is also biased, and you are biased, and can be wrong, along with your brain, also your memory is crap. But there is hope, once you take the blinders off and see your faults, you can overcome them.

Common Examples

Stats

Numbers and statistics are a reliable source of information, but none the less can be manipulated and abused. 90% of people like cake, 10% like pie, is a set of statistics, but if you only poll 10 people that’s not representative of a population. And if your sales are $1 it’s very easy for them to double in a year.

Numbers can also be over and under reported. Car travel is actually much more dangerous than air travel, but a fear of flying is more commonly reported than a fear of driving. Situations like this easily become “facts”, and “logical” assumptions.

Do you see any good examples of certain minorities on the news? Compare that to, yeah- racism. There’s also chauvinism, so many -isms inspired by “facts”. “Facts” that go onto support…

Survivor Bias

That would never happen to me, I would never do that, if I were you, are all things you have said or thought. These are examples of survivor bias. If you can do, or survive, so and so, why can’t someone else? You’re right and there’s something wrong with them.

Survivor bias is like throwing your shoes at someone else, demanding that they fit! But they don’t because everyone has different feet. Not only are your feelings not evidence, it’s also impossible to (metaphorically) rely on your experience, all the time. But if someone literally shoots you and drives off you should still call the police.

False-ness

-False Correlations

What do all pregnant teenagers have in common? They had sex? No, bad parenting, their parents weren’t there to monitor them 24/7 and close their legs. Which is impossible, but parenting is hard. And although parenting does involve sex, it doesn’t have anything to do with the products of your sex having sex, directly, hopefully.

Also, illness is not a curse from God, and not being good enough or to someone is an excuse for cheating. But cheating can directly be correlated with break ups, and never forgiving someone or seeing, respecting them ever again.

-False Authority

Speaking of parents, they are your parents. But there are limits to what you owe them, and they should respect you and be reasonably demanding. Just because someone is someone doesn’t mean you’re obligated to them, you have free will and choice.

This doesn’t mean you should exercise this all the time, but that’s how you learn what consequences are, and the authorities learn their limits, how people under them actually feel. And the Bible doesn’t have science in it.

Jesus

Jesus seems like a really great guy, it’s people who claim to know him that are the problem. Fake Clinics even give pregnant women, who want abortions for whatever reason, false information, that they claim is medical. Which is very dangerous and should be very illegal, no matter how you feel about abortion.

They are far from the only liars, generally delusional people though. Then there’s people who think that autism comes from vaccines, never give them a Bible.

Because they have enough feelings already. Not to say that religious texts are bad, but people tend to interpret them differently, pick and choose, plus they’re typically old, and can’t be applied in every situation.

The Bible says lots of things but noting about sexting. Or pants, they weren’t invented yet, and baked goods, besides bread. It’s probably not a sin to like brownies though, if it is you’re in a cult.

Targeting Weaknesses

Is any opponent’s go to strategy when they’re losing, rhetoric wise there are several insidious tactics.

-Sucking Up

Sucking Up is a classic. You might be right about some things, and suddenly be less wrong. But you need to understand, forgive, the other side. If not, the “But Yous” begin, and you “misunderstood”, or discrimination, oppression.  You’re the bad guy for not letting them be the good guy.

Then there’s just bullying, which quite often follows, and threats, slander. Essentially a hissy fit because you’re probably right and they don’t want to hear it, which often takes the form of peer pressure.

-Peer Pressure

The Asch Conformity Experiments are an example of this. Groups of people were presented with lines, and one was clearly longer, shorter, or different than the other. Everyone else, who were actors, had to agree that the lines were all the same. Anyone who protested eventually gave in to fall on line with the herd, be left alone, accepted.

This is used in arguing when people, especially your friends and family gang up on you to agree with them, and often ends up working. And when it doesn’t a narcissist gets punched in the balls by Jesus, maybe, someone does it, metaphorically.

-Lying

Then there’s just lying, purposeful or not. Purposeful lying is lying, stating false evidence, convincing people with not the truth. There’s also accidental lying, from someone’s purposeful or accidental influence.

People tend to say what other people want to hear, especially if they are in a weaker position. And do what other people want too. It’s why so many people have flags on their front porches in America, feel obligated to their religious or political views.

Saying what you think someone wants to hear is a huge problem on psychology, personality inventories, and rating systems. And hiring as well, people will say and do things to get a job. They’re hard to trust, people lie. Which is why reviews online preferably have written back up, evidence.

It’s also a problem with mentally ill people who lie on gun buying forms, to get guns. When they are not actually sane, despite their false answer. There’s also drugs, prescriptions, and underage drinking, but guns, seriously.

Lazy people who want to blend in, please others, and be left alone. It’s a trap, and far from the only one.

But how do you fight this? Learn how to fight the power in part 4.

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People You Shouldn’t Have Sex With

Welcome to the last installment of our educational series on sexual harassment, in our last installment we learned how to discern consent.

Mary Sue: I bleep, bleep, bleep, on your, bleep, all up in your bleep, bleeping, all night long bleep!

We also learned about non-verbal consent.

Mary Sue: Hrmphhrmph.

Steve: You can’t describe in words how much you want my bleep…oh, my hand is-

Mary Sue: Hrmph!

But just because you have established consent, should you have sex with that person?

Boudica: Snarl?

Well it’s a question for humans Boudica, it’s also a question for bears, isn’t that right Ursula?

Ursula: Grrr.

Steve’s Cousin: They’re friends now.

Speaking of friends Steve’s Cousin, Pissy Jenny drank all the martinis, became a lot less pissy, and is now interested in your bleep.

Pissy Jenny: That’s right bleep.

Steve’s Cousin: We’ve said bleep too many times, haven’t we?

One Million Moms can’t be wrong Steve’s Cousin, so anyway your penis, would you like to place it inside a hole?

Steve’s Cousin: Boy, do I!

Whose hole?

Steve’s Cousin: One of Pissy Jenny’s!

Well, too bad you can’t, you rapist! You see, Pissy Jenny is very inebriated.

Pissy Jenny: I am very inebriated.

If you stuck your penis in one of her holes now, you’d be taking advantage of her, plus it probably won’t feel as good.

Steve’s Cousin: Gee, I never thought about that because alcohol.

That’s right Steve’s Cousin, use your head and remember to not use your head, in this instance, and there she-

Pissy Jenny: The floor hurts.

Still no Steve’s Cousin.

Steve’s Cousin: Ahhh, just for future reference who else shouldn’t I have sex with?

What an excellent, non-coerced question Steve’s Cousin, generally you should not have sex with the following people.

-Married People

-In a Relationship People

-People under the age of 18

-Children

-The Sick & Infirm

-Crazy People

-People Who aren’t in Their Right Mind

-People Who Will Trick, Manipulate You

-People in Power Over You

-People You Have Power Over

-People You Kidnapped or Brainwashed

-People You had to Drug

-Animals

Steve’s Cousin: Gee, that’s a long list of people that my penis can’t have fun with.

Don’t despair Steve’s Cousin, just because you can’t have sex with those people, doesn’t mean there’s no one to have sex with, isn’t that right Mary Sue?

Mary Sue: Yes, I’m here too.

Steve: And she is my wife you horny bastard.

Steve’s Cousin: I’m still awfully depressed though, if only, oh s***, wolves!

Relax, the Scientist is on his break and the pack of wolves found his bloodied lab coat. They’re here with questions you should ask yourself before potentially copulating with another.

Wolf 1: Growl.

Wolf 2: Growl?

Wolf 3: Growl!

Wolf 1: Growl-

Wolf 2: Growl?

Wolf 3: Growl.

Wolf 1: Growl

Wolf 2: Growl.

If you don’t speak wolf, this friendly, helpful- and knowledgeable, pack of wolves have raised some excellent points. Do you trust this person, are you protected, what ramifications will there be? What is your relationship status, will it be awkward, potentially want to be in a relationship with this person?

Why do you want to have sex with this person, how and where, do you have feelings for them, or vice versa? It’s impossible to just have sex with someone and not face these issues.

Steve’s Cousin: Those are important, necessary questions.

Pissy Jenny: I’m fine now, no wait- the floor still hurts.

Steve’s Cousin: It was really nice of you to offer your holes to me Pissy Jenny, but upon further consideration I think I’ll pass.

Wolf 1: Growl

Wolf 2: Growl.

Wolf 3: Growl?

Steve: Holy crap they’re clapping.

And also admire your maturity and foresight Steve’s Cousin. Well that does it for this installment of our educational series “Sexual Harassment”. We hope you learned a lot, and to be a good citizen, neighbor, coworker, other proper nouns, to the gender that you’re attracted to. See you in our next fun, informative, educational series.

Steve’s Cousin: I don’t think you’re racist Pissy Jenny.

Pissy Jenny: I’m bleeding.

Mary Sue: Racistly!

 

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How to Deal with a Self-Righteous Person

Everyone likes to be right win, be perfect all the time- unquestionable, infallible. But Jesus J-walked every once in a while. Life isn’t fair and no one is better than anyone else. Which is a fact people love to intentionally forget.

And they have their arguments, feelings, blinders on that prevent them from ever remembering that. But there are ways you, the not them, can deal with them, tolerate-exist with them. Possibly even wake them up from their stupor.

Contending with their “Truth”, Feelings

For some people, the truth is a very subjective thing, and it offends when they’re confronted with the fact that it isn’t. And the feelings- how not to deal with this is more feelings, trying to convince them that they’re right. It makes things worse.

Instead be logical, let them explain themselves- some people have to see how silly they sound to realize how silly they are. Present them with facts, proven information that they’re willfully ignoring. This is when the defense mechanisms kick in- but this means that they’re listening to you.

Showing your individuality, and respecting theirs, not trying to brainwash them, gets more flies. Much more than asserting yourself to the max and yelling at them, fueling the fire. Standing up for yourself can take many forms.

Be Better Than Them

Not that you are, but better in a civil, polite sense- be the adult, take back the power they think they have. Don’t give them a reason to lash out at you, they can make themselves look bad. That’s everyone’s job, in the end, being responsible for their own actions. What they say, do, getting their s*** together.

Realizing that God has a lot of kids that also need God’s attention, growing up.

Agreeing to Disagree

Do you think you’re ever 100% wrong? No, who does, at first? However, if you can say you might be a percentage higher than 0% wrong, that’s a step in the positive direction. Not a step that anyone enjoys, but a step you have to take.

A very important step that leads to agreeing to disagree, and eventually knowing when to lose. And accepting that, and that it’s fine, it happens to everyone. It’s a true sign of maturity.

Which is why some people need a push in that direction, example. Be that example, disagree with people, but still respect them. Try not to forcibly change them, you can’t be friends with everyone, but you can at least be a good neighbor.

Don’t Pay Attention to Them

Self-righteous people thrive on attention, it’s why they start things or unnecessarily continue things. When confronted by them, don’t give them what they want. You may agree with them, disagree with them, kind of sympathize with them- just don’t show it or say anything. Let your silence and inaction speak for itself.

Because whether or not you agree or disagree, your reaction props them up, validates them. Let them fall, let them stay crazy outsiders. Apparently, they’re enjoying it, will come up with some excuse. You can never be too oppressed or misunderstood, or other underserved sympathetic adjectives.

As long as there have been people, there have been self-righteous people. With toxic, addictive personalities that they totally don’t believe that they have. Although you may feel the urge to strike back, don’t. Let those toxins seep in, let their true colors show.

Oscar Wilde said, “We are each our own devil, and make this world our hell.” Which is everyone’s fate and punishment- and why we project the devil as a different, evil being that tortures poor us! This fate especially stings if you’re a self-righteous person- no one will want to be in your hell with you, your hell is the worst. So self-righteous people imagine it as a heaven exclusively for them.

You can’t break every one of them out of their delusion, but telling them that they’re perpetually stuck in a delusion is a start. And going on with your, not like theirs at all, life afterward, is just winning.

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Extremes

Everyone has feelings, this is an unavoidable fact. But there is hope, you can have just enough feelings, and/or know when to control them, let logic win, and let feelings lose. Emotionality and passion, especially when it’s excessive is overrated- which is a fact very few people understand or remember anymore.

Having too many uncontrollable feelings is in, more than ever before! You need to find something to be angry about, a cause a purpose. It’s a drive you just cannot control, like never ever, what is reality? And rationality, another R-word, isn’t that offensive?

At this point the bullying, peer pressure kicks in. Being an –ist and saying mean things on Twitter starts “productive” arguments that totally should happen because justice. And the millions of other people who fall into this trap.

Being the sane one, who remembers that they’re individuals, who have hearts and brains- the things that make you think before you rush to judgment because you’re just an authority on like everything, is rare. You can usually be found hiding, avoiding conflict, or only letting your cat judge you.

Because good look trying to convince an extreme person, with an addictive personality and righteousness complex that they’re wrong. Or remind them that everyone doesn’t like them, or agree with them, or that there’s more to the world than them.

And that their belief don’t make them better than everyone else, and they could be wrong. God, the truth, Jesus, or who, whatever being on your side doesn’t mean you have to win, get your way all the time. That’s childish and unrealistic.

Which is why they have to form little cliques and groups to have friends, label themselves oppressed outsiders when they really aren’t. Upper and middle-class college students who constantly, and unnecessarily apologize for slavery are not oppressed. But they might actually be poor themselves, because college.

These groups then go on to be even more fervent, and evangelize- whether or not they’re religious, and draw people in. To help their cause, change the world- and granted, the world can be a pretty messed up place, but the changes you’d like to see aren’t always right for everyone, who also live on earth, and have rights. And don’t want you in their business all the time.

Also, if you’re the one making everyone else look worse, attacking people, who is the real monster? It is impossible to ever convince someone 100% that they’re wrong, but when it comes to angry, self-righteous people who are just loud, and shout to prove their points- this percentage is much closer to the square root of negative one.

When it comes to most other people though, who feel no need to shout and proclaim that they’re oppressed to communicate their thoughts and opinions- they do not really care that much. Some are just trying to survive, get by, not start things.

They’d rather get along, and not always understand, but try not to judge. In truth, most of the population does not care who you sleep with, what you eat- unless it’s babies and kittens, or how, where you worship. It’s not their business, does not affect them.

As long as you’re not openly an –ist, especially to them.

But if it does, then communicate better, more reasonably, justly- babies and kittens are innocent, they need to be protected. Because when it comes down to it, they have bothered to learn the difference between righteousness and self-righteousness.

Martin Luther King was righteous, the people who looted and tried to burn down cities after he was martyred were not. Why? What did the mattresses at Sears do? Justice was served, calm down.

It seems hard to tell the difference between righteousness and self-righteousness, but there are ways. Here are three different scenarios.

Scenario 1

Marsha and Brenda, two transgendered lesbians who identify as sheep, are approached by the pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church regarding their life choices and proclivities. The good Christian pastor berates them and tells them that they’re going to hell unless they find Jesus.

Meanwhile, Marsha and Brenda just enjoy the show and eat their gelato. Who was being self-righteous?

The pastor, what did Marsha and Brenda do to incite him, who started it? And who just ignored the situation and didn’t give it any attention which is a sound strategy for most situations. You give something more power by feeding it.

Scenario 2

Jimmy Carter is at a Bar Mitzvah, during the joyous dancing he exclaims that Israel is oppressing Palestine. This starts an argument with the Rabbi, who is being self-righteous?

Jimmy Carter is most at fault. Israel could be doing better with Palestine, but does anyone at that Bar Mitzvah have anything to do with that? The Rabbi could be self-righteous as well, but is defending yourself when confronted ever really self-righteous?

No, it’s a natural response. There is an art to do it effectively and eloquently though.

Scenario 3

Marsha, Brenda, the pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church, Jimmy Carter, and the Rabbi walk into a bar. The Rabbi and the Pastor join the astronaut who have been waiting for them. Leaving Jimmy Carter with the transgendered lesbians who identify as sheep.

Jimmy Carter is uncomfortable and tries to make conversation. When Jimmy gets up to the bathroom Marsha and Brenda start talking smack about him. Jimmy overhears this on the way back to the table, and confronts them, by talking smack about them back with the astronaut.

The Rabbi and the Pastor advise them to calm down, stop acting like children. It is unbecoming of them. They retort by boycotting the bar and talking in a nasty manner about the pastor and rabbi on Facebook. They were mansplaining and oppressing them. Who is being self-righteous?

Everyone else except the Pastor and the Rabbi, they were trying to actually help, offer advice. You can’t let Jimmy Carter, an Astronaut, and two transgendered lesbians who identify as sheep argue in public, who knows what will happen.

Everyone else was caught up in “me, me, me”, while the Pastor and Rabbi saw the big picture. Which is never racist or sexist.

Now that you recognize the signs and symptoms of extreme, self-righteous people with toxic addictive personalities- you are officially not crazy. And have a point, matter, and can stand up for yourself by staying far, far away. So congratulations on knowing and realizing that high fives from Jesus don’t cure you of homosexuality, and being an individual with multiple bodily organs that you know how to use!

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The Introverted Child

If you have an introverted child and are reading this, it is not broken. No need to send it back to the manufacturer. Your child also probably isn’t autistic, and stop diagnosing it with things, you are not qualified. You know what you are qualified to do? Love it like any other child, and to stop judging it and worrying so much.

The right attitude to have is love, acceptance, your child actually is special, not like other kids- for once. Stop telling its’ teachers it has autism. Trust me, it will run with that. It is not stupid, it knows what “autistic” kids get away with.

Things which include, but are not limited to:

-Rightfully Claiming Toys that are Their Toys

-Punching &/or Kicking the School Bully in the Crotch

-Exclaiming They are Surrounded by Idiots

-The Sarcasm of a Crochety Old Demon

-Dark &/or Dirty Jokes

-Being “Oppressed”

-“Right Triangles!” During Laps Around the Baseball Diamond

-Laying Flat on the Ground During Dodgeball (Winning)

-Telling the Truth

-Calling Hos Hos

-Dismantling and Tearing Apart Modern Feminism

-Calling Lena Dunhma Lena Dunham

-Having No Female Friends

-Offering to Give their Parents Mercy Air Enemas in the Nursing Home

-Knowing How to Give an Air Enema

Physicians, and behavioral therapists, who went to school, and can professionally diagnose autism, know that these are not symptoms of autism. Especially realizing that Lena Dunham is just Lena Dunham, and could really use an air enema.

They are symptoms of an unhealthy, subversive attitude incurred by the “Oh, you poor thing treatment”. It’s a form of rebelling, the world’s longest-running gag, in essence, a “F*** You”, or a test, if that makes you feel less fooled.

But you can avoid this, really you can. Put that “How to be More Outgoing” book back on the shelf right now.

What to Do

Stop Comparing

As mentioned earlier, every child is different. They have different personalities, ways of processing. They don’t all reach the same milestones at the same time, or when they should, or you think they should.

When you stop demanding that your introverted child be something that it’s not, they are allowed to be themselves. Hopefully, you can live with that and maybe like them. Either way, a lot less resentment is built up.

Lower Your Expectations

Just because Timmy is so popular and had the entire class at his birthday party doesn’t mean your kid will. In fact, most of that class doesn’t give a F’ about Timmy. They’re there for cake, and ice cream, and maybe the bounce house.

And to smell Timmy’s cards for the money smell, every time they’re right they are given a small payment for their services- which can add up to several bounce houses over 18 birthdays. Also, gift cards are the taint of the devil, how are you supposed to, so you ask for an item, but then you- economics is hard.

Your child is Timmy-Timmy is too stupid to smell his own money, appreciate this. Take it in, be happy with the child you have. Your child has also probably googled “Roth IRA” at least once, and if you’re Jewish…be ironically proud.

Space

No one likes being crowded or babied. Usually, it’s better to let people be, do their own thing. Let sleeping dogs lie, especially if they know why werewolves are misunderstood. Introverts have a stronger independent streak, they don’t need to be surrounded by people all the time.

Let them go if you love them. They will come back to you, trust them. They’ve got this, they’ll probably figure it out- better and faster than the other kids. And they will not show this off or share as much, but that’s not a bad thing. Nikola Tesla learned to be wary of Thomas Edison for a reason.

Acknowledgement

This doesn’t mean that you should leave them with that pack of wolves forever though. You can only learn so much from wolves. Den mother is wise and knowledgeable. But she doesn’t have a whole lot of salad recipes.

Check in on them every once in a while, ask how it’s going. Say you’re there, will attempt a meaningful, engaging conversation- the only conversation worth having. Remind them they matter too.

Let Them Talk

Another great way to do this is to let them talk. They typically need more encouragement to do this or leeway, or for Timmy to shut up and remind him that the cut they demand is fair to all and 2% less than Janet’s. They are also more reliable and have produced concrete results. Abraham Lincoln did say not to change into a horse mid ice-cream- horses don’t have thumbs, brochure?

Invite them to voice their opinion, say something. Give them a chance to speak. No one can keep their emotions and opinions bottled up forever. It’s impossible to distill them and sell them for bounce houses. Most of which they will rent out-but keep one for themselves. Bounce houses are great to ponder franchising in.

What Not to Do

Treat Them Differently

Handicapped people can find their parking spots and legally required ramps on their own. Very few people are completely helpless- but when it comes to “Oh that poor little child”, this is quickly and easily forgotten.

Unwarranted special treatment quickly corrupts and spoils anyone. It should never, and typically doesn’t last forever. No woman wants to marry a Momma’s boy, no man wants to marry a Daddy’s girl. Reminding people that they are perfectly capable of doing things themselves is the best policy. Also, that attention seriously backfires-, particularly among children.

“Encouraging” Them

Even the smallest baby, nay embryo, can wonder what Zumba is, and eventually decided if they should try it. Let this happen. Let people make their own choices- let them mess up, reach conclusions on their own.

Don’t guilt them or make them do things they don’t want to do- it is their choice, they have free will. Tell your introverted child about an activity, or new tiny drunk adult they might like. Let them decide to venture out.

No one is too young to exercise their free will, to be convinced, have points. Gentle and respectful encouragement is better than “If you don’t do this you are a failure and will die.”

Watching Them

Not just watching them keeping an eye on them, WATCHING them. Someone from the NSA seeing a Muslim WATCHING them. This is offensive and scary- even if it could be warranted. Get your evidence first. A qualified, outside third party, fourth party, fifth party threeveth party opinion that isn’t yours.

You don’t know everything, no one ever knows 100% of all available information on everything like ever- especially when it comes to parenting. Calm down, you’re not a failure, literally, hopefully, or metaphorically, or, well you, I still have one of the brochures. It’s adorable.

Ignore Them

An independent streak can be a good thing- but don’t take this as a sign to disconnect, ignore that person forever. Especially a child. No child is ever 100% innocent or helpless, but at least 1% of the time they are, math rhymes with both kinds of –paths for a reason.

Children aren’t supposed to raise themselves, some have- but it didn’t turn out that well. Remind your introverted child that you notice them, don’t let them be overpowered, don’t sell them for a can of beer.

Tell Them What’s Wrong with Them

Yes, you did the nasty, went to pound town, someone fell down and then it got up, the beast with two backs- or adopted, IVF, surrogacy, you’re a parent. Do you really know everything about your child though? Hint, you don’t.

My mom didn’t know that the Chili Parlor/Whorehouse was called the Squirts, in the dark, sleeping in her bed and that I could slip back into the shadows unnoticed so easily. Miscommunications and misunderstandings happen- wrong conclusions made, listening not done, confusion ensues.

Deal with that instead of diagnosing your child as being wrong. Your child knows themselves very well-yes, they can be in denial. But so can you. Everyone can be wrong and something can be wrong with everyone.

Just don’t decree it, loudly, bombastically, with great authority, all the time. It’s probably why some people have to adopt, why Jesus duct taped those legs together.

Your introverted child isn’t some strange, bizarre creature- but they can be, or are, which. By not judging them, and loving, accepting them for who they are, they become a lot less strange and bizarre.

They can even become perfectly ordinary children, who came out of the right person. God doesn’t make…the stork doesn’t, children aren’t….lizard people, so stop treating your introverted child like one. Seriously, they hate mouse sashimi, again, for dinner.

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Should I Like This Child? Part 2

You know those kids, those kids? Yeah, you might have been that kid. Or maybe you were every once in a while. Although you can’t generalize people, those kids tend to share certain qualities- that could be greatly improved upon.

Bad, Unlikable Children:

  1. Make Noise

People and kids needing a certain amount of attention is obvious. When grandpa falls and he can’t get up- someone help grandpa up! But if grandpa demands that you apologize for supposedly pushing him, when you were in the other room, no.

Some people, especially young children, just make noise, to make noise. To get attention, for hopefully a reason Supernanny can figure out. If not, guess who you should worry about.

No one likes someone who thinks it’s all about them, and they’re awesome, look at me, because giving someone that much attention isn’t possible. It’s important to teach a child this at a young age, and not when they fall and can’t get up. Someone could be very tempted to not help them up.

  1. What are Ears?

There is a song that specifically addresses this for children-but some sing it and tend to forget what ears but remember what their mouth is. Ideally, for everyone, this would be reversed. And not just for politeness and manners, but personal safety.

Timmy really should listen when you’re explaining to him that bleach isn’t Kool-Aid and that lions aren’t housecats. Valuable, life-saving, useful information is learned by listening. And when people eschew listening, it’s hard to feel as sorry for them when they suffer for it, compared to someone who did and just got in an unfortunate accident.

No matter how young or old they are.

  1. So Much Nope

There’s a difference between asserting yourself stubborn, and I’m not getting my way so you’ve definitely been molesting me stubborn. No one gets their way all the time, is always right- people of all ages need to learn this, accept this.

They don’t react well at first, but after one or two unfortunate reactions they catch on, learn to cope, adapt. Live without winning every game- but if they don’t, and insist on loudly and persistently expressing their displeasure, they’re not going to get far in life.

Everyone knows, or everyone knows a kid or person like this. And they don’t have a lot of friends or get a lot of invites. Which makes them even more amiable and popular.

Like listening, learning how to compromise, accept defeat- and move on, is an art. Ideally learned and retained when young, in a minimal amount of time.

  1. Shenanigans

People can find themselves is whacky, awkward situations. But if you find yourself in them more than once every other day, or two- that’s a problem. Either you have no luck at all or a serious psychological issue.

Attention seeking behavior is never attractive because it is attention seeking behavior. It’s narcissistic and childish. Which is why children are prone to it. IT can easily be confused with testing, learning boundaries- but it is not.

If a child is starting things, encouraging situations that don’t need encouraging, causing issues and problems- take them to a psychologist. It’s a sign. Either they aren’t getting enough attention, which is sad. But can be addressed and resolved, ending the behavior. Or they can’t get enough attention which means, well nothing good.

However, you can encourage them to start thinking that it’s not good by giving them that attention, especially when it annoys them and they don’t want it, expose them to their- you didn’t hear it from me but spanking is not the worst but most effective solution.

  1. Helplessness

Another unattractive attention seeking behavior is excessive helplessness, needing to be babied. It is covert attention-seeking behavior, but still attention seeking behavior. It’s the most insidious because helping a child, or person, seems natural, helpful- and some people take advantage of this.

Make you do things for them, get special attention, when they don’t need it, and they already get enough attention. Or really should be able to pull up their own pants by now, are not mentally or physically disabled at all. It’s important to remember that other people have their own lives and problems- they can’t always help others deal with their lives and problems.

Part of growing up is letting go, venturing out on your own-being unsure, insecure. But overcoming it. Not crying because you just learned that you actually can put the straw in the juice box by yourself. You can literally spell juice box.

Children aren’t all bad, or all good. They have their reasons, motivations for their behavior. But if it’s bad behavior, don’t let it become part of their personality. Encourage good behavior, qualities.

They’ll never be perfect angels, no one is. It’s true, kids are kids-but they can be better because they’re also people. And people, who know people, most certainly know people can be better.

Even though people don’t like people, or kids, or kids other kids, don’t always like each other, or some, for reasons, they have good reason to sometimes. Bad behavior is bad behavior, bad vibes are bad vibes, dicks can be dicks-the only way to resolve this is to bring it to their attention and see what happens. And that is far from being mean or abuse.

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feelings, How to, humans, Life Advice, psychology, self help, socialization, Tips, Uncategorized, understanding

Should I Like This Child?

Should I Like This Child?

Children are people, and people grow up to be adults. Adults get drunk, so if children are tiny people, who grow up to be adults, ergo they are tiny drunk adults. Not everyone likes drunk adults or tiny drunk adults.

Even though they’re the future, children aren’t perfect. They are still learning. They’re testing things, learning right from wrong. It is recommended that this occurs at a younger age because it’s more endearing and you don’t have to pay alimony, and/or child support.

Everyone was a child once, except for androids, but not every android, or human adult, has time for some children’s learning shenanigans. Plus some kids can be real dicks when doing them. Empathy is a learned skill.

People who don’t have the time or patience for children or certain children, aren’t evil. They’re just honest. They can even help children learn faster- because they’re much less biased and don’t worship the darn things.

Which is offensive to most adults who got drunk and made a tiny drunk adult, or adults. And why those kids, you know those kids, just turn out to be the most wonderful adults.

But there are good children, and what makes for a good child, a child other people, who didn’t make it actually like? And don’t giggle when it trips over all the toys it prized from other children and claims them for itself. And break all of their bones and get leukemia then end up on one of those St. Jude’s Commercials.

Good, Likable Children:

  1. Make Sufficient Noise

If you’ve ever been around children, babysat, or worked at a daycare- you’re welcome for my service, no noise is bad. People, and especially children, are supposed to make noise. Just not too much noise, for noise sake.

People need to know how to express themselves, and say when little Suzy is making a shank for her sock puppet. Some things must be said, brought to attention. Some things are signs, signs that need to be learned, are signs.

And generally, you can never avoid people, be quiet all the time- unless you’re a mute hermit, social skills have to be learned. And learning how to speak, who to, and other unwritten rules. Understandable, reasonable noise is healthy.

  1. Listening Skills

Another skill that needs to be learned is listening, paying attention, being serious. Being too serious can be bad, but it’s not as bad as “Suzy the building’s on fire, Princess Daddy’s Fetish’s shank isn’t also a firehose, run!”

Despite Suzy’s, Suzy-ness, Suzy should be given a chance to live, redeem herself for her Suzy-ness. Listening and paying attention is also part of being polite, in tune. As children grow older, this skill becomes even more important.

When working at the nuclear power plant, someone has to remember the rods need to stay swimming, reverse conception, however the training goes.

  1. Sufficiently Stubborn

Nobody notices a doormat because it’s a doormat. Doormats can try to be fun, but they aren’t fun. A little stubbornness is healthy, shows confidence. You have to stand up for yourself eventually.

Children and even some adults will test where exactly the line is with some people, nay all people, they will ever meet- but they have to learn where it is. Not be perfect, get their way all the time.

This helps people learn how to compromise, negotiate too, and learn why people resist them disagree. Children hopefully grow out of the testing phase of this process and develop higher cognitive and social functions from this.

Like empathy, respect, generally considering other people, being strong and confident, learning when to, basically anything that would make them wonderful adults and employees, and receivers of special hugs, and normal friends too.

  1. Entertaining Shenanigans

If no one ever got into any shenanigans, life would be very boring. And kids get into the best ones because they have no f’ing idea what they’re doing. But they’re also learning experiences, and popcorn and being right is delicious.

When kids accidentally say bad words it is funny and adorable. Of course, you should tell them that Jesus can hear them, but sometimes there’s no better way to express the feeling that you’re using glitter for crafts than “F***! F***ing mother F****er on a F****ing, get all this mother F***ing glitter out of this mother f***ing classroom you mother F***er!”

But then you have to explain to the children that they shouldn’t say that. They’ll think it’s pretty, moving on, entertaining as in non-harmful, enriching learning, I hate glitter.

  1. Independent Streak

Clinginess is unattractive, no one wants to be with a needy person. If your kid can tie their own shoes, snaps for them. Everyone needs to learn how to function on their own eventually, be independent, life skills that let them live as individuals.

A not cuddly, loner-ish child isn’t a Sociopath. Plus, kids can grow out of that or adapt. Or maybe they just play, and not just kids, interact with people differently. Or need less coddling and attention, they’re probably just confident and comfortable with themselves.

Also, definitions of friendliness differ, even children have boundaries, and quite obviously children they don’t like. Leave them alone, don’t make them “make friends”, this isn’t “Mob Wives”. Maybe they don’t want to be part of the group- also some groups just really suck, are downright toxic.

You know what else is downright toxic? Children you don’t like. Read all about them next week!

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