bullies, confidence, feelings, How to, humans, Life Advice, Uncategorized

How to Argue, Part Two

In any argument, hopefully it’s with another person, or yourself, or at least a cat. They make noises and have personalities. The wind does not count as an audience. The noises that people make, and their personalities are all different.

People also have different viewpoints, feelings which is why you can’t win them all. But there are some basic tips and tricks, that at least help you agree to disagree. But you still get to know your audience more when you don’t win, which is a win in itself.

Tone, Voice Level

Being loud and condescending is a turn off for everyone. On the other hand, being overly humble and quiet doesn’t work either. How are you talking, communicating your point? What words are you using, how are you saying them?

When people don’t like what they see or hear, they will move on- and not think of you very highly.


Not listening is another universal turn off, it indicates and often accompanies a poor attitude. That is not humble, or lets everyone speak and be heard. This obviously isn’t fair, and negates why people communicate with each other in the first place.

Why People Talk, Argue

You’re in this situation for a reason, don’t forget that. Someone started it, and has to take the heat or get out of the kitchen. Arguing isn’t always personal. People can just be wrong, ill-informed to their detriment.

Arguing, which doesn’t mean yelling, is helpful, useful. It resolves issues, helps people connect and really see, maybe even get each other.

To reach this point though, you need to know your audience and basically not be a dick. You also have to be strategic, what does your audience like, what will sway them?

Some topics and people are emotionally driven, i.e., “Childless couples are selfish”, others are logical, “Childless couples use birth control”, or a bit of both. A childless couple, or person who doesn’t like children is selfish or other bad adjective, hate them!

But when one considers the logistics of children, science, and the emotional factors, burden of raising children- they might not be for everyone for any reason. Or some people are just (possibly horrible) people who shouldn’t reproduce, or at least now.

And not having something doesn’t mean you hate it, or because you have it, doesn’t mean you like it. Everyone doesn’t have a car, do they hate cars and love riding the bus? No- and logical, true conclusions like this, are reached by arguing. And not assuming and generalizing, or acknowledging your feelings.

When done correctly- not being overly emotional, mentioning scripture, and relying on evidence, while using your manners eyes are opened, ceilings of all materials shattered, property lines determined.

So the next time you hear someone try to call down Jesus into court over a traffic ticket, run, after the person not doing that and staying on topic wins, and remind yourself that you’re not crazy.

confidence, deep thoughts, feelings, How to, important questions, life, Life Advice, thoughts, Tips, Uncategorized


According to science, a percentage of people keep New Years Resolutions, and a percentage don’t. This percentage adds up to 100%, which is a lot. Do you want to be in the percentage that keeps their resolutions? Does a bear in a KGB hat secretly run Russia from the woods? Seriously, does a bear, we all want to know.

Make Sure it Matters To You

You could smoke less crack, but do you really want to smoke less crack? Do you enjoy smoking the amount of crack that you do now? Then you probably won’t smoke less crack. If your resolution really matters to you, you will keep it. If it doesn’t, Cracktown here your come.

Everyone needs to have a now or never, or else realization if they want to reach their goals.

Be Accountable

Being accountable is everything, you need someone you can’t lie to, someone who gives it to you straight and likes it straight. Your metaphorical Vladimir Putin, that will not out up with any of your crap, and thinks that whatever your crack is, is whack. And knows whether or not a bear in a KGB hat secretly runs Russia from the woods.


Do you want to stop smoking crack, do you have your metaphorical Vladimir Putin? Good, get ready for consequences. All actions have them, including inactions, inactions are technically actions metaphorically. You want to smoke less crack tomorrow? Your metaphorical Vladimir Putin will make sure you get on that smoking less crack right away and have tapes of you doing things in a hotel room.

Will Power

If you don’t want those tapes of you doing things in a hotel room to get out, you need willpower. It’s the opposite of fear. Anyone can have it, even if your name isn’t will, you can also be fired at if you’re not will. Look yourself in the mirror and say “No, I will not smoke less crack metaphorically, I will stop.” And not replace it with metaphorical some other vice.

No one wants those tapes getting out.

Be Motivated

Everyone needs support, not just willpower. Willpower can be a driving force, but that force can drive faster if you’re being chased by a pack of wolves, metaphorically, and a metaphorical cyborg metaphorical Putin.

Everyone needs a kick in the pants to metaphorically hand over the crack, and admit they could do better, be better, achieve, do, not just imagine or think. There’s a time to metaphorically literally, in a metaphorical sense, to be active, not passive.

Sadly, this isn’t your first response. What’s your first response, meta, literally, a lee? Inertia. Inertia is the enemy. Find someone or something to knock you out of it.

Resolutions can be hard to keep, some people don’t even make them- which can be a percentage of 100%, which is a number, that should be lower. But remember, whatever your goal is, there’s a metaphorical cyborg Vladimir Putin and a pack of wolves for everyone. Oh look a, it’s…it spotted me.

confidence, How to, humans, introverts, Life Advice, self help, social anxiety, socialization, Tips, Uncategorized

How to Survive a Party

Parties, what are parties? Parties are informal-formal social gatherings where you try not to die and survive. You may be asking yourself, what should I ask myself? Well, you should be asking yourself, do I want to survive? Yes, because kittens, snacks, schaudenfreude, and other fun things that life is full of!

Do you want to survive now? Great, here’s some great ways to help you survive a party.

  1. Positive Thoughts

Do you feel like you’re dying? Of course you do, but everyone dies a little bit every day. We’re all screwed! We all die someday! But don’t take this negatively. Death is a sweet, sweet release from the agonizing and suffering of life. And stupid people, -ist people, there’s a special place in Hell for them because the Devil is a feminist. Isn’t that a happy thought?

  1. Set Goals

You might as well do something while you’re dying, think of realistic things you can accomplish. Go over to the punch bowl, spike the punch bowl, say hello and smile at someone. Hide in the kitchen and make friends with the cat. What other reasonable, achievable tasks can you complete?

  1. Research

Thanks to Social Media, you can know so much more about people than you really should. You can know their habits, whereabouts, home address, what they’re allergic to, who they’re dating, relatives, places of employment, phone numbers- use this to your advantage. Learn things, scout the situation out. Who is going to be there? Who can you take out before they get there, Janet?

  1. Look Good

How you feel about yourself can be obvious by how you look. When you’re feeling down, lie to yourself. Look good, look the best, make a good impression. A compliment can be a start to a conversation- or meaningless, no strings attached…friendship. If you look your best, you will feel your best.

  1. Conversation Topics

Did you know that a survivor of the Donner Party went on to open a restaurant? Is not a good conversation topic, educate yourself on good ones. Topics like what do you do, where do you work, do you have cats? Where is your cat? Can I show up at your house and play with your cat? So, sports- good conversation is based on a good topic. Is it raining cats playing sports? Think of your own unique, quality conversation topics.

  1. Use Your Manners

Manners maketh the man- and also if you have a vagina, or identify as other sex parts. Use them, be polite, rudeness is highly looked down upon. Except if you’re a Christian or a Feminist, or think you’re right. Sat excuse me, pardon me, I’m sorry, can I please go to your house and play with your cat? The “P” word is the magic word. And magic, you know, a baby defeated Lord Voldemort, and Smaug, and the power of the, also, Puck from Gargoyles.

  1. Be Yourself

The only self you can be is you, which is a blessing. If you simply be your true authentic self, people will like you. Unless you are any of the following.

-An –ist

-A Serial Killer

-Nazi Sympathizer

-Are Political

-Are Religious


-A Sex Maniac

-Love Kids

-Can’t Stop Talking About Your Kid

-A Thief

-A Murderer

-Other –ers

-Were Following Orders

And many more fun things! If you aren’t anything, you’re good.

  1. Compensate for Being Yourself

The only self you can be is you, which is a horrible, crippling curse. If you simply be your true, authentic self, people will have opinions about you. Put on a show, be your best self. Which often involves not being yourself at all. But the bright side is if you placate people, they will never see you coming I mean, no strings attached s…more friendship. 

  1. Lie Through Your Teeth

In order for them to not see you coming, lie through your teeth. Play the part, it worked for Amy Dunne, and who has a nice family with a husband who knows where his prole place is now? And where to keep his man parts? Amy Dunne, that’s who, her child will be so lucky.

Make yourself look good, explain some things, make excuses. It’s how people have tolerated each other for millions of years. It’s how society has been kept together, intact. If you’re not broken yet, you’re should go get fixed.

  1. Be Batman

Sometimes a stealthy exit is necessary, you have to pee, that guy in your tr…I fricken love friendship, you have to work tomorrow, all valid excuses. Quietly slip away, say goodbye to people that you actually like, and be on your way. No one who matters will judge you. Step over Janet, hide Janet in a bush, your trunk is full, and go back to your evil home, lair, home, kittens.

These are just a few tips to help you survive your next social gathering and the alcohol-free ones. But if all else fails, happily that’s still an option. Good luck at your next party!

bullies, confidence, feelings, poem, poetry, Uncategorized

Millenial Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

You know Dasher, & Dancer,

& Prancer, & Donner,

& Vixen,

Comet & Cupid,

& Donner & Blitzen,

but do you recall

the most oppressed reindeer of all?


Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

had a very shiny nose

and if you ever saw it

you didn’t & wouldn’t judge him.

All of the other reindeer

used to bully and oppress him,

pointing out his non-conformity

they always treated Rudolph

like a minority.


Then one night when Rudolph

was getting tired of this shit

Rudolp called the ACLU

and said he was being oppressed

but Rudolph wasn’t done yet.


Somehow some names and

personal information got on the internet.

Some strangers sympathized, but not with them-

and all of the other reindeer’s lives

became very grim.


And Santa ended up on

“Racists Getting Fired”

because he was white,

Which wasn’t very nice.

So Santa started drinking more

and worrying his wife.

Spiraling into a black hole-

but what else is there to do

at the North Pole?


Then the elves wanted $15 an hour,

& to takes back the worker’s power.

Also their insurance was shit-

all they had was an unlicensed dentist.


So the revolution began,

and was going to plan.

But Donner & Mrs. Donner,

Rudolph’s parent’s names

were placing blame.


Mrs. Donner said if you would have been more sensitive,

a better father, a dad,

which made Donner very mad.

He never thought that Rudolph was really his-

and Mrs. Donner said well I always imagined

that you were Comet.

Donner did not appreciate that,

and called Mrs. Donner words.

Then he said something Mrs. Donner

never wished she’d heard-

but always kind of expected.

The elves just had a dentist,

but the reindeer had a doctor.

Someone had a little snip, snip,


he didn’t want to have more monsters

like the one Rudolph had grown up to be.


Meanwhile Rudolph’s Social Justice friends,

met with Santa’s publicist.

And one foggy Christmas Eve

Santa stumbled over to say

Rudolph with your nose so bright,

no one is winning this fight.

And they had a long talk-

the Donners decide to work on their marriage,

and they all became more aware of

Patriarchy, Enforced Cultural Norms, Unrealistic Standards

of Beauty, Slavery, Oppression, Worker’s Rights, Racism, Sexism, Micro-aggressions,

Macro aggressions, Sexual Harassment, Systematic Racism, Bullying, Cyberbullying,

Sexualization, Feminism, Physical, and Emotional Abuse, life really is a crap shoot!

And they murmured out with heh, and realized there were better ways-

and for a publicity stunt Rudolph guided Santa’s sleigh.

Was he given special treatment?

A brand new 9th spot?

Yes, a little bit-

but everyone was getting tired of his shit.


And everyone won the lawsuit,


the elves got reparations

and Santa slowed down on the libations.

And how the reindeer pretended to get along

and sympathize with Rudolph,

not judge his cause.


But wise old Santa Claus had an idea,

we’re not getting social media any year!

Mark Zuckberg, CEO of Facebook,

you’re not making money

and personal information to sell here!!!

confidence, feelings, humans, important questions, Life Advice, psychology, self help, thoughts, understanding

You don’t have to be Sexy

Having all the attention on you is great. Until you don’t want to have all the attention on you. Being attractive is great too, it can get you places. Until you only get places because you’re attractive. The world is a very confusing place.

Which is why some people try to make it less confusing, by toning themselves down as much as possible. But, the world is a very confusing place, and this is looked down upon. Being beautiful, hot, and attractive is everything, right?

Putting your trust and faith in something so ephemeral, and fades away really quickly, is a crapshoot. If feelings are fleeting, then hey look, you’re, and now you’re not sexy. Oh no, whatever will you do?

Being sexy and attractive is not the only trait or pleasing characteristic a person has. Hopefully, there are some unkind but attractive people.

Attractiveness equals goodness, happiness, desirability is a fallacy. Attractive people can be miserable, have issues and problems. Good looks can’t fix everything. They’re also not all desirable and attractive on the inside, literally or figuratively. People have used good looks to cover a multitude of secrets and sins.

Also, being good looking can be a curse. You may want a good looking person, but that person is still themselves. You might not be compatible. There’s also insecurity, on both sides. Attractive people can feel insecure about why you’re really attracted to them. You could feel insecure about other people wanting your attractive significant other, or that person desiring someone else, better looking than you.

There is more to a person than looks. Also, everybody poops. No one has 100% purely attractive, perfect traits.

As you grow older, you should catch on to this, and realize the same thing about yourself. In fact reaching that point can be sexy in itself, not being a judge mental narcissist is very attractive. There comes a point when you will have preferences and standards, but you don’t demean, belittle, and insult people who don’t meet them.

Sadly there are people who don’t, and worse, try to force these standards on others. Because everybody wants to be attractive to someone like that. Your own agency and feelings, you have opinions? No, you need drunk people to hit on you, and so they can get mad when you rebuff them. Practice calling you names.

But also, you can’t force being unsexy, or unwelcome modesty on someone. People are free to wear what they want, in most places. There are certain religious rules and laws for some, but they’re not always followed to a tee, and are debated.

The simple fact is that you can’t force anything on anyone, that’s wrong. People will not live up to your expectations, go along with you all the time. Because they are individuals, things that work for them won’t always work for you.

Also, people don’t want to be sexy and attractive all the time. People have crappy days, people get sick. People can even catch things, get sick, because they’re sexy and attractive. No one tries to look hot when they have the flu. You should stay away from them, because they have the flu. There are perfectly good reasons why some people just don’t want to be bothered.

People can also already be taken, have no reason to show off. And don’t want to send out mixed signals. Not everyone will care of course, but you have to try. Married women don’t have to have their hair up, and dress less flashily anymore, but they still wear, or have an indicator, of being off the market.

It’s also completely insane to think that anyone sexy or attractive is showing off for you, and wants you. You are not that special. Just because you see someone has a wardrobe malfunction doesn’t mean that happened just for you.

People also might look attractive just to look attractive, feel good, confident. How you see yourself is reflected in how you present yourself.

Everyone doesn’t do things just for you, no means no. Having respect for yourself, and being able to take rejection, are always attractive. Also, self-confidence is damn sexy.

You also don’t have to do things for other people, you can say no. If you have to change for someone, it’s not worth it. There may or may not be someone else who will like you, attractive or not. That’s the real keeper.

Someone who lets you be you genuinely cares for and respects you. And no matter what anyone says, anyone who thinks you’re sexy when you’re not being sexy is damn sexy. Burqa, or whatever you wear, and all.

confidence, deep thoughts, feelings, humans, important questions, life, Life Advice, love, psychology, self help, thoughts, Uncategorized, understanding

Nobody Wants to Fight for Love

It is Never that Great

People say you should never give up on the one you love, and that winners never quit. But in some cases, people can be very proud losers. The delusion of romantic love and following your heart, feelings, has really F’ed the entire world up.

Years ago, people still had feelings. But life, responsibility, maturity, and having some integrity, just generally having a conscience, not to mention foresight, stopped some very stupid things from happening. Peer pressure and public shame is so bad it’s useful sometimes.

Not to say that this hasn’t completely gone away, but sentimentality and being your bad-self have been given much more credence and acceptance than they need. And, keep in mind this is coming from an INTJ, CARING ABOUT YOUR REPUTATION, what others think of you, how it affects you and your life. People have gone bananas with rabies!

Everything and everyone is not worth the risk. Feelings, especially romantic ones, are volatile things that people have killed over. They should not to be taken lightly or played with. Anyone who has ever thought that people are just options, or fun to play with, useful little toys, has never been a good person.

Seriously, when having respect for yourself, and hopefully others is looked down upon, seen as “insecure”, and God forbid knowing what you want and having standards, boundaries, or caring enough to just shut up and get over it sometimes is seen as bad, it makes perfect sense why Newt Gingrich wants to build a colony on the moon. Where people will be perfectly content to die, alone, surrounded by moon cats.

You may think you’d be the best significant other ever, someone would be lucky to have you. If you do you are prone to bouts of narcissism. Nobody’s perfect, everybody is themselves, not everybody is going to like you, you’re not always going to get the hopefully a human. It’s not them, it’s you. No creepy, stalkerish grand gesture can fix it.

The quicker you realize this the better. There are other fish in the sea, but there is also such a thing as overfishing. But not everybody likes fish, or was meant to eat fish. There are other sources of protein and nourishment in life. It just takes a while for most people to realize this. Really, insert fish joke here.

Most importantly, how many people kiss in the rain, or want to? First of all, who would hold the umbrella, and two, there are perfectly good places indoors. Not everyone will want to try as hard as you in a relationship, or feel as strongly as you. There’s nothing wrong with that, people are different.

It may seem unfair and cruel, and you don’t feel all the feels, there are no grand declarations of love, they don’t care, you can do better! But really, isn’t the grandest of gestures sticking around, being loyal, honest, staying, working on and appreciating what you have? If you can’t appreciate what you have someone else somewhere someday is going to appreciate what you had.

Side note, yes you won that bet, aromatic and proud. Some dead roses and a wonderfully vulgar, yet poetic rant on how much damn work they are to grow and keep alive will be sent to your home address. Along with a survey regarding whether or not you know any handsome dying millionaires billionaires interested in an arranged marriage, who would let me keep my queenly jewels and ornaments. Shiny things, also a large tax free inheritance, properties, any, my cat is very hungry, bills.

Speaking of insert seamless clever transition relating to the last sentence of the last paragraph here, the movies. There are some very good movies, “Titanic” was a very good movie. But would you want to be anyone on that ship, especially Jack?

Does “My Best Friend’s Wedding” make you think, I need to reenact that in real life. Would the movie ever end like it did in real life? Probably yes because justification of effort, but so happily and damage less our relationship is fine-ly? We all forgive each other and like each other-ly?

If there’s no real word that accurately describes how a movie ends, things would never end that way in real life, outside of the movie.

In fact, that movie would never even happen. People, with respect for themselves, know that they will have to put up with some crap. However, there is a crap limit, a max crap capacity. It’s even worse if you’re full of that crap, so emotionally you wish you were dead but you lie to yourself.

Either God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, or you’re growing as a person. Fun fact, God is dead and if you were a grown up person you never would have ended up here in the first place.

But you can do better, everyone can do better. Usually by leaving someone like that and moving on with their lives. Finding someone more suitable to them, who has their shit together, and not in a backpack, or a shit store, or a shit museum, or stacked up, you get the point.

Meanwhile, there they are, someone who thought there’d be an epic battle, but wasn’t. And there was no magic, no unrealistic movie ending, because life and no one is special, God is also still dead. And nobody wins. Love is grand.

If history tells you anything, war is bad. It’s avoided as much as possible. It’s hopefully and usually not the first choice. If people aren’t willing to fight over access to water, something you can only live without for three days, no one with a brain or an ounce of dignity is going to fight for you. You are not water, you will never be that necessary or great. People can live without you for at least three days.

You will never be a pimp, or the bachelor, or the bachelorette. You are stuck being yourself, and you may fall in love, someone may love you, or you could be alone forever. Who knows? But no one has to fight. In fact, people are tired of it. So please, everybody, calm down.

confidence, deep thoughts, feelings, humans, Life Advice, love, poem, poetry, self help, thoughts, Tips, Uncategorized


I could walk through,

some of,

the fires of Hell,

cross oceans,

fight a tornado-

or at least some angry drunk person,

be forced to live in an Iron Maiden,

be burned alive, struck by lightning!

Have to deal with Google Adwords Customer Service,

tame a unicorn,

teach a cat to fetch,

listen to Gilbert Godfried sing “My Heart Will go On”,

And other worse things.


Or, or-

hear me out.

I walk up to you,

and just ask you whether or not,

or would you be interested in, me.

You narcissistic bastard.